When I woke up yesterday, I was feeling slightly depressed, which was an unfamiliar feeling because I’m generally satisfied with my life. There are other contributing factors, but the problem is that I haven’t been writing much. I haven’t written much since my last post and wrote almost nothing in the past week. The self-hate I feel when I’m not writing gets pretty bad.
The summers are not good for me. I’m busy with my day job—half of the hours I work during the year are crammed into a two-month period—and this year I’ve been abnormally social since the start of the summer—I had eight friends visit from overseas and two more that were leaving Korea.
But no matter how busy I am, I never get too busy to write. Even during the summer, I was making time to work on my own stuff. This past week, I was just distracted by video games and working on a fixer-upper motorcycle I picked up because my previous bike broke down a couple weeks ago. If I get around to getting in good working order and all nice and pretty, maybe I’ll get around to writing a post about it.
That being said, the biggest distraction is not really a distraction per se but the English textbook I’ve been working on. I wanted to finish it by the end of this year so I could completely focus on my novels from next year but it’s slow going. My translator is currently on hiatus because she’s writing her graduate thesis right now, and I’ve been struggling with the more frustrating entries that will inevitably result in every asshole adding his/her two cents and nobody being satisfied. It’s incredibly technical and boring and does much to sap my quickly depleting motivation.
“As a writer, you should always be working on more than one book,” I was told long ago. I recognize the wisdom in that statement, but the problem is that I just can’t work that way. I can only focus on one thing at a time. It’s just the way my brain works. I’ll get up to do something, and once I’m up, I’ll see something that makes me think of something else, and I’ll completely forget why I got up in the first place. This happens to me constantly throughout every single day. The only thing I can do is power through the textbook as quickly as possible so I can get back to the novel.